San Bernardino Pregnancy & Family Resource Center Skip Navigation

A New Understanding of the Impact of an Abortion Choice…

May 27th 2016

There was a time I had no understanding at all of the consequence of an abortion choice because I was ignorant. I am ashamed to admit it took me (A Christian) a while to recognize a child is fully human at the moment of conception. Although I had a child, I wasn’t able to compare my experience as a mom with someone who would choose not to carry her child to term. I assumed each was an altogether different and unrelated incident.

I had four miscarriages before and after the birth of my son. At the time everyone around me discounted the unborn, so I bought in to the idea I should forget about it and move on. Each loss resulted in much pain for me, but I did not feel free to talk about it. Because I didn’t truly grieve or honor my own unborn, I was unable to acknowledge another’s pain over the loss of a child---born or unborn. Choice or no choice.  Loss is loss and it’s painful. That’s the truth!

Only when I was forced by circumstances I could not avoid, to investigate did I acknowledge the pain following the choice to end the life of a child. I came face to face with the emotional, spiritual and physical trauma when people I love chose abortion and often did what I did---tried to forget it and soldier on. Honestly I have never forgotten those unborn children taken from me too early.  I’ve noticed that friends and family who chose abortion haven’t forgotten either. However, the pain for me isn’t overwhelming and self destructive. I’ve known this for a long time, yet even so my most recent experience with overwhelming grief increased my understanding another level.

In March I received a phone call no parent ever wants to get to tell me my son had been found dead in his home. I had suspected some trouble due to on going and self-destructive issues in his life to which an abortion choice with his then fiancé years ago contributed. Even so, I was not prepared for the devastation, the pain, the numbness, the feeling I couldn’t breathe, inability to sleep and the desire to escape the pain. I have never experienced pain that consumed my heart, my mind, my spirit as did that from the death of a child. And…the pieces clicked in to place.

If the pain from the death of a child is so all encompassing and overwhelming to me, what must it be for a parent who played an active part in the death of his/her child? How devastating to not be able to escape the knowledge that haunts one 24 hours a day, “I chose this. I paid and/or made arrangements to have my son/daughter’s life ended. I played “God” and made the decision when my child would die. I allowed my own plans to take priority over the life of my child.” As with every parent, I have gone over and over scenarios where I think I may have been able to intervene. What ifs....? plague my thoughts and dreams. My prevailing thoughts have been if this is so hard for me who had no part in the death of my child, how much more is the pain and anguish of one who made the choice for her child to die? I cannot fathom the pain. If you have had an abortion and wonder why the pain won’t just go away, please consider the truth----we were not made to make life and death decisions. We are not God---we do not have the ability or the wisdom to understand eternal purposes which include every, single person ever conceived regardless of the circumstance. Each time we dare to step out of our area of authority we incur new trouble rather than solve a problem.

As I’ve had these thoughts and realizations I’ve prayed about how best to use what I’ve learned about pain through the death of my son. It is God’s way to use something very bad to accomplish something very good. The goal in front of me is to be more proactive in my invitation to seek healing to men and women who have experienced abortion. And so, if this is true for you I invite you right now to seriously consider our SaveOne abortion recovery Bible study led by Sonja Bates. She has experienced the loss of two children from abortions she chose. Sonja lived with pain and many other related problems for many years until she chose to go to God for healing. She will be very glad to hear from you. Call or text her at 909-762-3878. Or by email at sbpfrcsaveone@gmail.com. Every contact is confidential.

If you have not had an abortion PLEASE do not make a choice that will haunt you for the rest of your life. You will never forget the day your child died because of your bad choice. There are other wonderful options open to you. Let us help!

Written by Hope

I am finally ready to share my abortion story. It’s true what they say...you will think about it every single day. Just as I think about my living children every day. I know now that I will never stop thinking about the baby that I aborted. . Read this chemical abortion story >

San Bernardino Pregnancy & Family Resource Center: Walk-ins Welcome
map pin114 E. Airport Drive, Ste. 104, San Bernardino, CA 92408 (Directions)

Your Rights: Make sure you know your rights: Patient Rights